| Sunday, August 29, 2010 |
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Haven't blogged in ages. Thank god blogs aren't human - they won't judge and blame you for neglect and abandon. I've returned only cause I realised I need a place to rant, vent and probably just write out all sorts of pent up feelings and frustrations. Gibberish or not - my blog won't judge me.. So yeah. I pretty much had one of the shittiest weekends ever. Dragging myself up to work was pretty tough when I didn't sleep much. I look like a wreck and there's loads to do but I can't seem to bring myself up to task. The only silver lining here I guess is that my sales record seems to be pretty smooth sailing whenever I hit a moody period - so thank god for that. Sighs. It isn't easy maintaining a 6 year relationship. Sure we joke about it and all, and (I hope) appear to be quite stable in the eyes of many others but it's hard hard work. We came across situations like this for many times already - when we felt that our relationship was turning stagnant. feelings turning stale. getting bored.. But we worked hard to overcome these shizz together. This time, however, just feels different. Feels like its gonna be tougher to get through. It's this stupid thing called instinct nagging at me, telling me that it's not gonna be as easy this time. I know I should probably just ignore it, lest it affects my daily thoughts and actions but it's hard to do so cause the truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared to lose someone whose been with me for so long, someone who has been playing the leading role in my life. What am I to do when I lose my leading man? We've been through so much together - our O levels, his A levels, my Poly education, his NS stint and now this is just another phase we have to go through and hopefully we will conquer, Uni life. But it ain't gonna be that simple. Why? Cause we've both admitted that something has changed between us. It just doesn't feel right anymore. You know when you have that nagging feeling, you feel shitty but you put up with it cause you know it'll soon pass.. BUT when you actually verbalise your thoughts and admit something - it sucks to the max - just because it sounds so final. It's like - I hereby pronounce you husband and wife or the doctor pronouncing someone dead. Makes it feel like it's irreversible.. Anyway we promised to work through this together but we're both just so so busy.. but do wish us luck anyway! |