Life

Met up with shing, ernest and my darling today at plaza mac's for dinner! it was nice to see them all at once. it has been soo long! too long in fact..

Darling and i cam-whored like super lot!

it's okay darling, cam-whoring is not a crime right? i mean. .we rarely even take photos together.. =) you know, i wouldnt have put all these pictures up if not for the fact that you look good in them. urrgh. i hate myself for spoiling them. be gone, chubby cheeks!!

Anyhow, today's been busy busy busy. went to school in the morning for my make-up IMM test, which i was late for and Mr A being his usual self, was super fair to everyone and didn't give me extra minutes, so yipee! i didn touch two questions at all, which equals 10marks gone= high chances of failing test.

boo hoo. but then again, it's my fault for being late.. so there. i shan't make any excuses.

Had project meetings and i finally configured my Vaio to the school network!! super happy. and then i left for town to engrave my dad's pen and to walk around..

School's been a real bitch. with loads of projects due, soon, and the exams coming up. It's time to start mugging and working really hard..

it's good to know that i can block out issues, handle the stupid emotional stress and still be professional and driven when it comes to work.

Oh yes, school has taught me well indeed.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Cm took me to the bird park on Tuesday!! oh well. okay.. maybe not just the two of us alone.. his mom and sis went too..but then again, i haven't been to the bird park in like 10years+ so i was like freaking excited.

as you can see, i had a hard time trying to rein in all that excitement..lol. please. please pardon my dark circles and eye bags..

we went to see loads of birds. but my favourites were the Penguins! Flamingos! Lorys (or is it lorries?) Toucans and Hornbills!

Cm is such a lousy photographer i swear. look at the picture he took of me with the flamingos.. can't even see the birds la. like this pile of pink pink things standing there..

Look.. i think i'm so much better, at least you can see a bit of the feathers.. so now you can tell that those pink stuff are actually birds..

ahh yes. this is errm, i think a hornbill. lol. i don't really care what it is called. i just like its huge orange beak. looking at it. i just feel like grabbing the beak and then swinging the bird in the air and then throwing it, like into the sky or something then see how far it can fly... ok. it's sick i know. but i think it would be fun.

we took loads of pictures! at the so called highest man-made waterfall which was in this aviary. it seriously doesnt make me go 'wow' and i don't understand how can that thing be considered the highest in the world..

The 'Lory Loft' was also a nice photo-taking spot.. it's quite huge, with the birds flying free. you could also buy food to like feed them, and you'll get to be super close to them..there were i think 2 suspended bridges there. uber cool.

Picture of cm's sister Fiona, me and his mummy.

yeah yeah. we love the bird park. even though we hate to admit it.

Not only did we visit the bird park, we also visited the singapore discovery centre and the singapore science centre.. all in the same day! Thanks to the cab rides of course! =)

Cm's brother managed to get free admission tickets to all these places and they're super retardly, only valid for one day.

there wasn't much to see at both centres.. i think they're pretty much for primary school kids.. but at the discovery centre there was this robot, named 'little george' who would answer when spoken to.

He's super funny. when i told him he's hot, he said he's hot cause he runs on electricity! he can recognise faces too.

i guess, that's all i remembered from the discovery centre =X

there was nothing much at the science centre too. only this..

it made me realise that cm's head didn look quite bad after being placed on a platter. i think it looks better detached from a body. maybe i could consider chopping his head off after a quarrel or something.. hmm...

Oh well, so the science centre was like the last stop and we met up with his dad and brother for dinner at this Sakura international buffet restaurant for dinner. and after dinner, i cabbed home. =)

Pardon my really tourist-y blog entry. haha. but it's really quite fun, being a tourist for one day. we had fun, didnt we? =)

Thanks for the outing.

Oh. and 0601 peeps, enjoy whatever that's left of the holidays..

Monday, June 18, 2007

We sent him off today. On Fathers' Day.

We sent my grandpa off, on his final journey. All of us - All four generations present.

They say my gong gong has lived a good life. That he was a good man.

That's how i would like him to be remembered, as a good man.

He left us all on Wednesday, 13th June 2007. In the early morning, around 3.50am. Although i knew this day would come, i still felt very upset that morning.. when the phonecall woke us up, with the news.

My mum and I were the last, to see him. As we went to visit the night before, after i knocked off from work. I thought he looked better, as there was a bit of color in his cheeks and he was sleeping so peacefully, that we didn't bear to wake him up. We just stayed to watch him sleep on..and then we left.

It was good to know that he passed on peacefully. without much pain.

Regrets - Everyone has their own, and i have many. But i somehow feel comforted by the fact that i was there at the hospital during his last few days, and that i spent the past four night by his side, at the void deck. Accompanying him on his last journey.

I know it's for the best, he looked so peaceful.. like he's asleep, and now, it's good to know that he won't feel anymore pain. he won't have to suffer anymore..and he'll be able to meet up with my grandma again, which is good, cause gong gong was always afraid of being lonely.

I thank him for giving me my daddy. for always doting on me, and for being the best grandfather ever.

Fathers' Day would never be the same again. It would be a day where i would dote on my daddy more and a day to honour my grandfather. One of the best dads/grandfathers ever.

I will always keep you in my memory.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

i've been in and out of the hospital quite often recently - my grandfather has been hosptalised for quite awhile now, due to his Pneumonia and the newly developed Leukemia and seeing him struggle has made me think quite a bit.

Like how often we take people for granted. i mean sure, you can scoff at it however you may like, or claim to not be guilty of this charge, but i'm sure, almost everyone has, in one point in their life, taken someone they love, for granted.

i'm guilty of neglecting my grandfather. and when i look at him, lying on the hospital bed, i can't help but feel rotten. can't help but feel guilty over the fact that i did not spend enough time with him. can't help but pray, that he would make it out, safely, make it back home..

Saturdays used to be for my grandfather. Saturday mornings would mean breakfast with my grandfather and grandmother, back then, when i was a lot younger, when my grandma was still living. They would bring me out to the market every saturday morning, to the same coffee shop and buy me fishball noodles or roti prata. Gong gong always bought me prata, and would buy me the occasional macdonald's, which was always a treat. He rarely lets me buy candy from the stores and would always scold me whenever i stopped to look at stickers or keychains.

Afternoons would mean staying over at gong gong's for tea and dinner, with my aunts and cousins. With him, sometimes taking the bunch of us down to the playground, and having loads of fun till dinnertime. i was only about 7 then.

Everything somehow changed when we shifted to our current home. i used to stay in the flat above my grandfather's, and even later on when i shifted, i stayed in the block next to his..it was the last shift, to several streets down, to the current home now, that distanced the whole relationship..

i rarely go back on Saturdays, as i got busy with ECAs/CCAs back then, and would be too exhausted to go over with my dad after getting back from school. and then time passed so quickly, that even before i knew it, i'm 18 now. and still, i've never really made it a point to go back each Saturday.

It wasn't just me.. my cousins too, grew up, and each of us had lesser time to go back as we're busy spending the time elsewhere.

Saturdays now, belong to cm.. ever since we got together. and as i think back, i recall the numerous times, i told my dad i can't go over because i'm going out with my friends..

i have no idea where all the ramblings are taking me to, but i guess my point is, i regret not spending more Saturdays with my grandfather. when i really should, as i'm the oldest grandchild, who shares his surname, yet he doent get to see much of me.. but i guess, at this point of time, it's too late for regrets.. all i can do is now spend more time with him. whenever i can.

i remember, back then, when i was still in primary school, you would go for your daily evening walks with po po and da-shu. you would cook the saturday dinners. you would cook the chinese reunion dinner each year, making the authentic hakka niang dou foo that we both love, and cooking the best chinese soups ever.

i remember, how hard you cried when po po passed on. how hard we both cried together at the funeral..for you had lost your wife, and me, my grandma and translator..Po po had always helped us both communicate, and ever since she passed on, we never really could understand each other, could we? Unless daddy or the aunts were around? As you could only roughly understand my chinese, and me, your hakka. But i picked up Hakka for you, and i remember you laughing at my few feeble attempts on using it.

I remember how stubborn you used to be, insisting on going for your walks even when you were starting to get weaker, still going down to the market even though you had that nasty fall..

and i remember how happy you were this chinese new year. seeing us in the morning of chu yi, as how it has always been for the past 18 years.. and posing for pictures....

and then i go back to thinking of the image of you lying in your hospital bed today. pleading to be untied. looking at me, when i was holding your hand, hoping that i could attempt to untie you, or maybe loosen the straps a little...and then you flinging my hand away, when you got upset that i did nothing.

it hurt me so bad, and it hurts me even more, to hear you demand to be untied and to see you get angry when we didnt do anything. even though we really wanted to, for the fear that you might tug the tubes out.

it aches my heart, to see you looking weaker and paler with each visit. and to see you get all swollen due to getting too much water in your body from the drips.

if only you knew, that we're doing all this to save you. that the feeding tube is meant to help you. that we don't mean to put you through all this. and that fact that we did, was only because we wanted to help you get well..

i know you're never gonna get the chance to see this, how much more even read all this, but i hope you will stay strong and fight through. that way, you'll finally be able to go home.

There's just so much unspoken words that i wanna tell you, but can't, cause you can't hear as well now, and i dunno how to tell you everything in Hakka.

sighs.

you're 95 now.. and as i always told you last time, i believe you'll go on to being a hundred.

stay strong now, gong gong. i love you.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

term break is finally here! so i celebrated at the Lagunita spa at the club and did a full body ginger-tangerine detox scrub! =) it's just a 30 min session, but boy, it felt so good - and my skin now looks so much better! it has this almost healthy sheen to it, the color tone more even..and it's a lot softer too! lol.

the price was rather steep though, typical of all Singapore spas.. with that amount i could have bought a 1.5hr spa session in batam!

but then again. i figured i prolly deserved some pampering after being ill the whole week. was down with a rather nasty cold and cough.. had fever for three days straight. with the stupid degree staying above 38.5 and going all the way to 39.8. it was plain hell.

i missed a lot of classes and now my attendance record is a totally mess - which means no more chances of skipping classes when the break ends. boo.

Projects are aplenty but i'm still intending to work extra days during the break to earn some extra dough.. i'm so broke now..i don't even have money for the usual cab trips anymore, imagine that! =(

and i havent bought anything from the great singapore sale yet (to sinyee and taitai: the purchases made at the private staff sale dont count) so yay-ness for me. i'm such a disciplined person. aren't you just jealous?

la la la..

been spending most of my time with cm as usual, watched pirates last sat,(when both of us were dead sick, with me coughing my head off in the cinema throughout the entire show), baked fudge cakes, dinner and did some shopping in town..

OH! and i finally went to the Central mall at Clarke Quay. nothing much there.. but i saw two shops selling jewellery from Japan..it's a Japan brand. one's called 'The Kiss' or something, very nice concept, selling pieces for couples like the usual rings and necklaces.. saw quite a few nice pieces.. but they were rather pricey.. too pricey i might add, would rather save up a bit more to get something from goldheart..

The shopping mall was not the highlight of that trip to Clarke Quay- i made cm walk over with me to Liang Court to go to the Meidi-ya supermarket to look for some Lotte sweets i bought then back in Japan (they were soo good, i decided that i had to search if they were available here) and i found them in the sweet section!!!

so happy! sheer bliss!

Anyhow, the other day while we were eating gelato in takashimaya, we were sitting outside guess and i was telling cm how much i admired ladies with Chanel bags, for they exude this certain aura, and how much i would die to get my hands on one...so he concluded by saying that my idea of a perfect wedding proposal would be to have the guy give me a chanel bag..

and i said, no. my idea of a perfect wedding proposal would be to have the guy give me chanel, with a tiffany ring inside. =)

he asked me to go and eat shit and die. lol.

oh well, pictures next entry, will be going to tekong for cm's passing out parade this wednesday, will try snap some pics of tekong for you guys. =)

Friday, June 01, 2007

i swear, just a wee bit more, and i'm gonna snap..

i can't help getting stressed up over the bong ica. feel so lost whenever i think about it.

i can't get any mmr notes in my head. and the paper is later. and i know absolutely nothing

i think the work that i'm producing these few days is sooo substandard.

i broke down while doing up chong's tutorial.

urrgh. like what the fuck right.

this semester is sooo gonna be a bitch. i'm so glad we're almost half done with it.

and it doesnt help that book-outs are soo stressful. honestly honey, i'd rather you stay in camp.. as awful as that sounds.. somehow makes life a lil bit easier to manage.

and plus, i'm working at takashimaya this sat! more pressure! cause i need to hit sales target for i'm super duper low on cash! yipee. the joy.

i guess i'd better get back to work. this ranting ain't helping much. and i've got to wake up at 0745 later. sighs.