| Tuesday, September 05, 2006 |
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i have a hundred and one thoughts going about inside me but i just can't find a way to express myself. it's so frustrating, to not be able to express myself through proper sentence. Maybe i'm too sensitive, that's why i get so hurt and offended by some of the stuff he says. but then again. maybe i deserve it. i always think whatever i'm doing is for the best. think that by arranging my schedule to be fully packed with work duties during his holidays is for the best as i won't be able to bug him and bother him, that way he can fully concentrate on his As. but when i get home, i really am so exhausted to the extent that i don't even have the energy to talk to him over the phone, then he gets so annoyed we end up quarreling again. quarrels. hah. easy for him, yet so difficult for me as every quarrel will equals to me having sleepless nights, and hence end up even more tired than usual. i honestly do feel bad that it's me, who deprived us both of spending time together. maybe i am a freak. maybe i really do enjoy stress. i enjoy the rush that get rushing from one commitment to another, enjoy working my ass off for a quotation, to hit the daily sale target, that great amount of satisfaction that you get at the end of the day, telling you that you've done a good job for the day, albeit it comes hand in hand with the tiredness.. it's these little things which i enjoy which lead on to me hurting the one that i love so dearly. mind you. i'm feeling hurt too, with your insensitive comments. but the many demands on me which i have to handle is getting a little over, i know i can multi task but this now is too much. i'm not some superwoman. so give me some time and try to be as understanding as you ask of me to be with your situation. than maybe things would be better. |