| Thursday, August 10, 2006 |
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It's 3am and im not excatly in the best of moods. The howling of the wind, and the stupid raindrops pounding against the window only succeed in making me feel worse. had a quibble with cm, and we talked. i know, we quarrel almost every week, but this time it's different. i can feel its difference..post-quarrel talks used to help us bond better, understand each other better. But this time, after we hung up the phone, i just felt so lost. As cliche as it can sound, i somehow always felt that connection between us, even though we're not together. i could just somehow just sense his presence as i'm going along doing my daily activities. Recently, i feel nothing. zero. nada. zilch. the emptiness in me, just scares me so. i can tell we're growing distant with time. heck. i know we're getting distant. very distant in fact. it just saddens my heart so. to know that he is there, but i just cant reach out to him. maybe it's me, being too devoted to school, or as he calls it, an obsession. Him dealing with prelim and A level stress and having to put up with my neglecting of him.. or maybe i should just stop looking for excuses. and face the fact that maybe it's true, that i don't love him as much as he does me. but the truth just hurts so bad, i really have tried hard to make things work. to put up with all the nonsense that came along the way. But that's still not equivalent to the 100% that he has given me? and it just hurts to know that all this while i might have been short-changing him. he's now in bed as i sit by the computer typing out my emo thoughts and revealing the weakest side of me for all to see. although i know he's feeling as hurt as i am, and prolly a lot more tired, i just somehow wish, that he would volunteer to stay up with me, through this sleepless night, to keep me company and give me comfort. the rain outside seems to be on the same wavelength as me-the incessant rhythm of it falling, seems to be perfectly in sync with my crying heart. |