| Friday, July 21, 2006 |
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isn't it funny to see the twists and turns of life, at the age of 17. secondary school sweethearts and married with 2 daughters; one chose to forsake all these just for a misunderstanding whilst the other has already given up trying to make things work. She leads the kind of lifestyle which i would choose to call as that of a "jet-setter", golfing trips to malaysia every Friday, driving range on Monday nights, weekly yoga sessions and the daily morning run. and the occasional business trip to Batam, HongKong, China.. He works extremely hard, with just 4hours of sleep a day, to make ends meet, to provide for the family, to pay for the bills. She provides me with all my material needs, shoes, clothes, make up, diamonds..fine dining.. while He, simply just takes me out for a meal, at the coffeeshop. to celebrate say, my birthday. The gesture although simple, really means a lot to me.. She's ambitious, aims for the best in life- a Ford, credit cards, diamonds from tiffany's, a rolex, the soon-to-be-received country club membership and currently saving up for a condominium.(all with her own earnings) He's getting his last credit card confiscated this saturday, and has to continue slogging out his guts to pay the bills and loans as he doesn't want to burden the woman of the house. his wife. the one woman that he loves so dearly. two people, once so much deeply in love 19years ago, now living like complete strangers in the same house. for the last 2.5years. It's amazing how i lived through the past years, without having both my parents together, by my side at any one time. i think it's even harder for my younger sister.. this just struck me whilst i was in the shower earlier on. the difference in their lifestyle, their different goals in life, was it a mistake even from the start, when they decided to bond? to share the rest of their lives together? you know what, strangely it's because of them, that kinda shapes me up, that gives me the determination to make my life work- the way i want it to be. i know i haven't been exactly fair to both of them, i spoil my dad silly when it gets to his birthday as i feel he just doesn't get to enjoy himself much whereas my mum's birthday i usually just buy her a cake..as i feel that she has already enjoyed far too much of life's luxurious pleasures. no matter what, i don't deny, i love them both dearly, mum and dad. I don't mean to be mean, especially when i say this, but i think one of the biggest insults that anyone can ever give me, is to tell me that i'm exactly like my mum.. which is recently proving to be scarily true. that ambitious mind, the determination, all the stubborness. all that domineering behavior, it's just oh so familiar. i hate to admit it, i really do take after her alot, even though we're not really close, as compared to me and my dad. so. i guess. it's time for me. to nip this bud. to stop myself before i step onto the same path which she took and end up isolating myself from the love of my family. Maybe i should be more family oriented? like try to stay home more often.. i know deep down that i'm quite a family oriented person, all that cooking and house organizing. but i just hate staying home. My home, i think is just a house. it's not like a home at all, it's empty and cold. you get the gist. i love it when i'm at cm's place, the family friendly banter, the lights..it just warms the whole place up. or maybe i should just simply stop splurging. like think thrice or maybe four times before i get another 80dollars mango top. before buying a new foundation from paul&joe.. this way i would be able to save up all my pay, and stop, really stop taking money from my dad. Maybe, this way i might help to lighten his burden and not make him work so hard, then we could spend more time together and my life wouldn't be that devoid of parental love. i guess home is the key essential to prevent me from straying in the undesired direction. i really have no idea where this entry is leading to but judging from the above it seems like i'm feeling a little lonely eh? sometimes, i can't help but think, if, i'm saying IF. what if secondary school sweethearts like cm n i end up in the same state too.. we're alike in certain aspects yet at the same time..really very different. arrghh. shucks. all that emo venting kinda tired me out. i can't wait til saturday, where cm gets to spend the day with me again. i miss cm. |